from The Way to Love by Anthony De Mello . . .

Bring to mind someone towards who you hold negative feelings. Consider that you are, quite conceivably, in the presence of someone who is poor, homeless, crippled, blind or lame, metaphorically if not literally.

Open to the possibility that this person is going to reveal yourself to you through a series of revelations that will bring you closer to your true nature, opening your heart wider. Thus, behold your savior.

The first revelation.

As you observe yourself reacting negatively, ask yourself: “Am I in charge of this situation or is this situation in charge of me?”

The second revelation.

The way to be in charge of this situation is to be in charge of yourself, which at present you are not. How?

Understand that there are people in the world who would not be negatively affected by this person.

They would be in charge of the situation, rising above it through the understanding that the negative feelings are caused, not by this person, but by your social programming.

The third and major revelation

This person is not responsible for this negative behavior, any more than you are.  You mistakenly believe they are self-aware and free to make difference choices. This poor person here in front of you is crippled, blind, lame, not stubborn and malicious as you thought.  Understand this truth and you will see your negative emotions turn into gentleness and compassion. Suddenly you have room in your heart for someone who was condemned to the streets and alleys and made homeless by others and by you. Now you realize that this brother you thought a degenerate beggar came to you with a gift, which was opening your heart in compassion, deepening your connection to humanity and freeing you from your negative programming.