From The Way to Love by Anthony De Mello . . .

Think  of  some  of  the  painful  events  in your life. For how many of them are you grateful today, because thanks to them you changed and grew? Here is a simple truth of life that most people never discover.

Every painful event contains in itself a seed of growth and liberation.

Happy events make life delightful but they do not lead to self-­discovery and growth and freedom. That privilege is reserved to the things and persons and situations that cause us pain.

In the light of this truth return to your life now and take a look at one or another of the events that you are not grateful for and see if you can discover the potential for growth that they contain which you were unaware of and therefore failed to benefit from.

Now think of some recent event that caused you pain, that produced negative feelings in you. Whoever or whatever caused those feelings was your teacher, because they revealed so much to you about yourself that you probably did not know. And they offered you an invitation and a challenge to self-­ understanding, self-discovery, and therefore to growth and life and freedom.

Try it now. Identify the negative feeling that this event aroused in you. Was its anxiety or insecurity, jealousy or anger or guilt? What does that emotion say to you about yourself your values, your way of perceiving the world and life and above all your programming and conditioning?

If you succeed in discovering this, you will drop some illusion you have clung to till now, or you will change a distorted perception or correct a false belief or learn to distance yourself from your suffering, as you realize that it was caused by your programming and not by reality; and you will suddenly find that you are full of gratitude for those negative feelings and to that person or event that caused them.

Now take this one step further.

Look at every thing that you think and feel and say and do that you do not like in yourself. Your negative emotions, your defects, your handicaps, your errors, your attachments and neuroses and hang-ups and yes, even your sins.

Can you see every one of them as a necessary part of your development, holding out a promise of growth and grace for you and others, that would never have been there except for this thing that you so disliked? 

And if you have caused pain and negative feelings to others, were you not at that moment a teacher to them, an instrument that offered them a seed for self-­ discovery and growth? Can you persist in this observation, in your observation till you see all of this as a happy fault, a necessary sin that brings so much good to you and to the world?

If you can, your heart will be flooded with peace and gratitude and love and acceptance of every single thing. And you will have discovered what people everywhere are searching for and never find. Namely, the fountainhead of serenity and joy that hides in every human heart.