What dependency gets you

We all depend on one another for all kinds of things, don’t we?

We depend on the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker.

We set up society this way and we allot different functions to different people for the welfare of everyone, so that we will function better and live more effectively — at least we hope so.

That’s interdependence and it’s fine!

But to depend on another psychologically — to depend on another emotionally — what does that imply?

It means to depend on another human being for my happiness.

Think about that. Because if you do, the next thing you will be doing, whether you’re aware of it or not, is demanding that other people contribute to your happiness.

Then there will be a next step — fear, fear of loss, fear of alienation, fear of rejection, mutual control.

Perfect love casts out fear.

Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling.

Can you enjoy the relationship on a non-clinging basis, where what you really enjoy is not that person; it’s something that’s greater than both you and the other person.

It is a kind of symphony, a kind of orchestra that plays one melody in one person’s presence, but when he or she departs, the orchestra doesn’t stop. When I meet someone else, it plays another melody, which is also very delightful.

And when I’m alone, it continues to play. There’s a great repertoire and it never ceases to play.

from Awareness by Anthony DeMello